What contemporary factors may be influential and demand consideration before issuing customized fatāwā for married convert women?

While there are strong reasons to consider what seems most apparent from `Ali and some of the Salaf—as preceded—that Christian and Jewish families could stay together if they are in communities not at war with Islam and the Muslims, we should continue in this section assuming that the proper opinion belongs to the mainstream.

Reason being, it’s not my hope or expectation to change the opinion of Western Muslim jurists and their students by this research, as I myself may change my preference multiple times during my life. But by mentioning the strengths and some of the weaknesses of each school, I can give credence to all. And admittedly, most readers may be dogmatically supportive of this mainstream opinion.

But in this section, we are going to consider the issue from a whole different angle, one of contemporary realities. It may be appropriate, before proceeding, to give ourselves a reminder and admonition from the words of ibnul-Qayyim (I`lām, 3/66):

ومن أفتى الناس بمجرد المنقول في الكتب على اختلاف عرفهم وعوائدهم وأزمنتهم وأمكنتهم وأحوالهم وقرائن أحوالهم فقد ضل وأضل. وكانت جنايته على الدين أعظم من جناية من طبب الناس كلهم على اختلاف بلادهم وعوائدهم وأزمنتهم وطبائعهم بما في كتاب من كتب الطب على أبدانهم. بل هذا الطبيب الجاهل وهذا المفتي الجاهل أضر ما على أديان الناس وأبدانهم والله المستعان

“And whoever issues fatwa to the people by simply conveying what they saw in books, regardless of the peoples’ varying customs and cultures and habits and eras and places and their situations and related factors, has strayed and led others astray. And their crime against the faith is greater than the crime of someone who tries to practice medicine, diagnosing and prescribing for everyone in their bodies, regardless of their differing lands, cultures, age, and nature, in accordance with what may be in a single book of medicine. But rather, this ignorant physician and this ignorant mufti are the most harmful upon the people in their faiths and their bodies. And Allah’s Help alone is sought.”

So there’s no doubt that maṣāliḥ “resulting benefits” and mafāsid “resulting harms” are extraordinarily important and necessary to consider before giving fatwa, and that those issuing the fatwa must be experienced and understanding of those relevant factors. Some individuals may have a couple of experiences and then when someone else comes with a different experience, they assume that they’re exaggerating or lying. The role of a mufti is not to syphon the truth, but rather, to issue proper customized fatwa based on the available information. It is the responsibility of the questioner to be truthful, and the responsibility of both parties to try to bring to light all relevant information that could affect the ruling. Ibn Sirin was known to sometimes sit with a person an entire day learning about them before answering their question for fatwa. But could such factors be so important that we ignore what jurists spent their lives over centuries of inherited and fortified tradition? Should it be discarded while we merely list the pros and cons? No, there are limits and regulations.

The default role of a mufti is indeed to speak according to the fiqh opinion he believes and perhaps give the questioner a little added guidance in how best to apply it, based upon his individual circumstances. As for the weighing and estimation of pros and cons, principally, it does not overrule a fiqh opinion we believe to be strongest. We live by it trusting that Allah will reward us bountifully for whatever excess reasonable hardship we endure in its implication.

However, the scholars have clarified that ruling of an issue could change if the objective it was meant to preserve was lost, or the harms of practicing it became greater than the benefits enjoyed at a particular time. ^[1]A couple small articles about this principle: http://fatwa.islamweb.net/fatwa/index.php?page=showfatwa&Option=FatwaId&Id=203266 and http://aliftaa.jo/Research.aspx?ResearchId=61#.VVbRB6mWk0F Scholars may prefer to temporarily rule in favor of or practice an opinion they believe is weak in such cases. `Uthman ibn `Affaan prayed four rak`at in Mina during hajj for the noon and afternoon prayers, while the long held Sunnah was to shorten. The reasons obliging him to do so were strong, and the reasons obliging other senior companions present, like ibn Mas`ud, to keep silent were also strong, even though, conventionally, we would think `Uthman should have shortened, and ibn Mas`ud should have spoken up. Even when there is no “weaker opinion” to lean on, especially in matters of fiqh al-mu`amalat, like our topic here, there may be times when a wise faqīh and mufti would temporarily ignore or discard what may be a matter of consensus and known about Islam by necessity. The most famous example of this is `Umar temporarily lifting the rule of hand amputation for theft from the Muslim treasury during a year of famine. Reason being, any thief in such circumstances was not simply greedily trying to illegally take the property of others for their own nefarious reasons and to live a lavish and extravagant life off others’ hard work. Rather, such a desperate person during that time was only aiming to save himself and feed his family. So when the original goal of the ruling—preserving the wealth of others by threatening thieves with hand amputation—became ineffective as people were not taking heed and their trespasses may have been minor, the balance of pros and cons shifted so drastically that `Umar, the severest of the companions in the Allah’s Command saw and implemented this temporary emergency ruling. What Umar ruled was not an insult to Islam but favoring another greater fundamental of Islam, `adl justice, when it became temporarily obscured.

In this section, we will consider some factors that may influence the ruling on this issue, especially as it affects the contemporary Western revert Muslimah.

First of all, considering the mainstream and base ruling for this issue, what are the issue’s maqāṣid or goals realized by its proper implementation that the Sharia aims to preserve through this ruling?

1. Preservation of the woman’s faith in Islam, from the highest of Sharia goals, ḥifẓ al-din. By removing this incredibly influential and potentially dangerous threat to her religion—her non-believing husband—she is much freer insha’Allah to assimilate with the Muslim community, and learn from them without fear of reproach at home for becoming more Islamic. No doubt, the man’s presence, eating pork, drinking alcohol, not observing prayers or Ramadan, all of that will make her implementation of those symbols of Islam, known by necessity, that much harder. This is the goal that was first mentioned in the ayah of al-Baqarah.
2. Encouraging the spread of Islam, another aspect of ḥifẓ al-din. No doubt, when the husband is informed that his wife, maybe the mother of his children, and life partner, is about to be lost forever from him unless he accepts Islam with her, he will definitely give it good thought if he is humble and wise, not arrogant and stubborn. Without such pressure, and in a short but reasonable time span, he may never voluntarily give himself the opportunity to learn and seriously consider accepting Islam, and contemplate Islam’s merits, truth-values, and eternal message. Afterwards, it is he who bears the responsibility, not Islam, for separating his family, if he refuses to follow his wife in conviction, declaration, and worship.
3. Angering the disbelievers, by removing a believing woman, from their authority, and preserving the religion’s dignity, again ḥifẓ al-din. A woman, in her natural delicacy, physical weakness, and all that she symbolizes as a target for the aggressive lust of men, and often subject to humiliation in that very act, has been the focus of past scholars. Al-Qurṭubī mentioned it as we saw above, and ibn al-`Abbaas also said concerning the ruling, in one of the authentic narrations attributed to him, “Islam rules and is not ruled over.” And this is something sometimes sought by Islam, as Allah says:

{ليغيظ بهم الكفار}

“To anger the disbelievers by [the Companions]” Surah al-Fath 47:29

That, with the lām of ta`līl justification. And as many scholars cite in issues like this:

{وَلَن يَجْعَلَ اللَّـهُ لِلْكَافِرِينَ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِينَ سَبِيلًا} ﴿١٤١﴾ سورة النساء

“And Allah will never make a way for the disbelievers to be above the believers.”

This aim is certainly painted in patriarchy, but it seems to be an inseparable part of Islam.

Now let us look more closely from another angle…

In contemporary times, and especially in the West, where we see many people, especially women, entering Islam alhamdulillah, the understanding of religion has evolved just as marriage and divorce have. And the Muslims residing in those regions do not enjoy judicial, legislative or executive authority to live where Islamic understanding for transactional, family and criminal law reign supreme. We could go on and on about the situation of the Muslims themselves, and the different attitudes that non-Muslims have and express towards them. Of the situation of Muslims, and their relationships with others, and the relationships, feelings and circumstances of new Muslims especially differ from city to city, family to family, vastly from one to the other. Of course, the cities with a larger more tightly knit, community-oriented Muslim community with knowledgeable and experienced good-willing helpers and activists will be more prepared to help new Muslims of all backgrounds. However, this may not even be enough for some in extraordinary circumstances. We will take a look at simply the most common factors, while those who work with and teach new Muslim women directly may need to address additional factors.

 

Might the belittled scope of religiosity in general, and the negative perspective of Islam in specific affect the practice and application of a fiqh ruling?

The short answer is yes. When the companions were near Tabuk, the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ temporarily forsook applying the ḥadd of apostasy– which is considered from general welfare al-maṣāliḥ al-`āmmah of preserving the religion, and from the all-reaching goal of `adl – out of fear that the Byzantines would hear about this and people would spread rumors that Muhammad is killing his followers. See the story from Jabir in al-Bukhari and ibn Umar from ibn Abi Hatim. So the Prophet ﷺ preferred the good reputation of his office and Islam over executing a ḥadd from ḥudūd of Allah. This is of course, assuming that the execution of an apostate is a ḥadd crime, and that is the view of most jurists.

Religion has changed in the minds of people today in a way that most do not comprehend how it could affect every stone in their lives. If a local imam tells a woman she has Islamically separated from her husband just a couple minutes after she declared her faith, it would be a shock of disbelief, to say the least. Were the Muslims to hasten delivering such a pronouncement it could very likely drive someone away from Islam. So the very goal behind the ruling is lost completely—preserving her faith becomes ruining her faith. This reminds us of when `Umar lifted hand amputation for a similar reason. Clinging to the ruling in such a case drives people from Islam and risks creating a horrible cult-like image whether the new Muslim woman follows the ruling or not—and if she doesn’t, maybe runs to the media with news of what the Muslims tried to tell her about her marriage. It’s a surprise that hasn’t happened already. For that reason, `Ali ibn Abi Talib famously said, “Address the people with what they recognize, do you want them to belie Allah and His Messenger?” (al-Bukhari, no. 127)

Also, there are no Sharia courts to prevent someone from leaving Islam or threaten them. The door was open for them to enter just as it’s open for them to exit. It’s no wonder then that the Prophet ﷺ advised du`at traveling beyond the Muslim lands, “give glad tidings and do not run people away; go easy on them and do not make things difficult.” (al-Bukhari, no. 68) Especially true in an environment where people will happily welcome them back to their disbelief once they tried out Islam and found it too demanding. In cases like that, we have to take the Prophet’s advice more seriously.

And this fear is not imaginary. In more than one of the fatāwā linked to in the beginning of this research, the questioners did in fact voice their hesitancy to accept Islam solely because of this very issue. If there has ever been a time for callers to Islam to rethink their approach to married converts, it’s overdue.

 

Could evolved understanding of marriage influence the issue’s ruling?

Marriage in the contemporary Western world differs from the classical Islamic view in a few relevant points: the nature of the contract, its motivation, and the nature of the relationship.

For one, in Islam, and even in early American history, marriage resembles a contract of sale, where the father gives his daughter, and more specifically, access to her sexual organs, to the suitor who offers her a bridal gift. Although in Southern Europe and India, the marriage was considered a favor from the man, so it might be her family that is offering the gift! Whatever the case, in the 21^st century, such an understanding seems offensive and I dare say, perverse. Marriage has become a partnership wherein each partner sacrifices some of their freedom so that they can “settle down” together and invest in each other as a family in every way they can. As for sexual intercourse, it has little role since it is encouraged with Westerners with or without contract. The idea of “saving one’s self for marriage” is almost ludicrous and often shunned—even if we as Muslims recognize the benefit and essentiality of doing so. Most western women could not imagine marrying themselves to a man they haven’t slept with, considering it risky and extremely uncomfortable.

Further, a woman is typically not understood as being taḥt “under” a man, unlike how we see consistently used in classical Islamic texts. In the west, the opposite could be true in some households. Some of that is due to the changed social place of women, family planning options, and the legal privileges women enjoy, especially in divorce, that Islam does not accord them, and Allah is al-`Aleem the All-Knowing and al-Hakeem the All-Wise and knows what is better for us and Legislates accordingly.

The second point is the factor that leads to marriage in the first place. We all know the Prophet ﷺ primarily encouraged marrying loving, fertile, virgin women of good faith and for guardians to choose men of good faith and character. And in Islam, it is the sheer need to have a halal outlet for purging sexual desires that drives Muslims to marriage. In practice however, in the Muslim and Western world, class and tribe or race have been overwhelming factors for most of history until recently. While comparable educational background serves as a good initial filter among Western bachelors, and additional factors may prove important, like race and religion, the eventual spouse is usually chosen by demonstrated commitment coupled with feelings described as love. For men, social pressure is the greatest marriage motivator, while for women, guaranteeing that the man will stick around to raise children.

Considering this, when a western Muslim woman may not be under a man’s authority, or considered his property, and she may prevent pregnancy and enjoy full ability to initiate divorce on her own with little reason, it seems the entire `illah cited by the classical jurists on this issue has disappeared for middle-class American women. And as the scholars say, “الحكم يدور مع علته” the ruling follows its cause. When the cause is gone, the effect (which is the ruling) is gone. For example, when that fermented drink no longer intoxicates its drinkers, but turns to vinegar, the prohibition lifts, and it becomes permissible to use, sell and consume. When a woman is no longer legally nor socially consider “owned” or “under” her husband and “controlled” by him and may even invoke law enforcement to prevent physical or sexual abuse, does that justify the lifting of the ruling that was there, supposedly, to save Muslim women from being powerless and subjugated by a non-Muslim husband? Think about it. I’m not saying it does, but the nature of relationships have evolved significantly. And when the `illah’s presence may have once been strong and burning, now it is flickering, like going from hard liquor down to a light beer, but still not vinegar yet.

Looking more at the motivation, in many marriages, although perhaps not most, the love shared between the partners may in fact grow with trial, sickness and health, as the two learn to respect and admire each other and work for each other’s happiness. A deep and heart-felt partnership.

Before this married woman comes to the masjid for the first or second time, she may have been studying Islam independently for several weeks or even months, on and off, and even discussed and consulted converting with her husband. She may have received his respect and cooperation. This would not be surprising, since married people in general are more responsible, take more time and perform more research before making important decisions.

In the situations when the woman is already displeased with her husband for other reasons, religious incompatibility merely becomes an added reason for separating, whether that involves legal divorce or living separate lives, under one or separate roofs.

Considering these points, it would be extremely painstaking for a masjid imam to explain to such a woman why she must separate from her husband. Because Allah said so? Because the Messenger said so? If I were a new Muslim, I might be shy, but I think I would have the right to ask, “ummm, before I leave my family… could you just show me where it says that, so I don’t just take someone’s word for it and find out something else later, just to be safe?” And the arguments presented above show this is not clear cut. And imagine the foolishness that such an imam would be drenched in trying to explain this to a woman especially if her and her husband are raising children together. Imagine too, should she be persuaded, what would happen to the children, and whether courts will rule for her to keep her children or not, since she is a Muslim, when there is a custody dispute. Do Muslims really want to welcome someone to Islam by obligating them to go through all this for the sake of a religion that they barely know yet and haven’t tasted the sweetness of faith?

 

Could recently accepting Islam, especially outside Muslim lands, sway fatwa?

As for America, most masjids do not have organized programs or known procedures for welcoming new Muslims in their communities, which causes most converts to quickly return to their old religion after a short period, a week to a year. They meet difficulties from their families, their former co-religionists, often coupled with health and financial problems, and frequently even problems from the Muslims themselves—even other converts, jealousy or spite, or well-meaning harshness. This is of course, in addition to the difficulties of understanding Islam, the Arabic terminology, getting used to praying five times daily, and coming to terms with some aspects of Islam, one after the other, that might collide with what they have been taught to believe is right and proper, by a structured brainwashing Western educational and media system.

Experienced callers to Allah know that they have to tread slowly and carefully with new Muslims. They understand the truth behind `A’ishahs words, “Truly the first that would be revealed from the Quran were chapters from al-Mufassal (the shorter chapters of the Quran), with mention of Paradise and Hell. So when people believed strongly in Islam, the halal and the haram was revealed. If the first thing that was revealed was do not drink alcohol people would have said we’ll never leave alcohol. And if it was do not fornicate, the would have said they would never leave it.” Recorded by al-Bukhari.

And even the Prophet ﷺ said, “Were it not that your people were recently converted from disbelief, I would have spent the Ka`bah’s treasures in the way of Allah, and made its door ground level, and had it encompass the hajr.” So when the Prophet ﷺ saw that his wish could be difficult for many people to bear, he did not order it, and only told his thoughts to his wife in secret. And this is not from compromise or an inferiority complex or defeat, but from the wisdom of gauging people’s levels of comprehension, readiness for new knowledge, and level of faith.

Perhaps the strongest evidence that care and time is required when teaching new Muslims is the timeless lesson we learn from when the Prophet ﷺ advised Mu`adh before sending him to Yemen for da`wah. He said, “… invite them to testify that none has the right to be worshiped except Allah and that I am the Messenger of Allah. Then if they follow you in that, teach them that Allah has obligated upon them to pray five times throughout every day and evening. Then if they follow you in that, teach them that Allah has obligated upon them the giving of alms, taken from their wealthy and given to their struggling…”

And what’s astonishing is that the Saudi Permanent Committee themselves gave a similar fatwa advising delaying telling convert men about circumcision until faith strengthened. Also, the advisors of Islamweb likewise advised delaying telling a new convert woman to change her name until she became a strong Muslimah.

If that’s the case with name-changing, circumcision, and huge pillars of faith like ṣalāt and zakāt, isn’t there room and leeway for things in between? But what if someone doesn’t “delay” but spills the beans beforehand–as many Muslims are so eager to tell converts how high they need to jump? May she take her time to implement? This is why my personal policy with new Muslim converts is to teach them `aqeedah basics and Muslim history introductions before anything else, and strengthen their conviction in the integrity of the Quran and the Prophet’s example. As for halal and haram, I will proceed much more slowly, and give them a basic advice before asking questions, not to ask unless they’re ready for any answer and want to obey Allah and His Messenger ﷺ, and that as new members of the faith, they have an undefined window to work on the greater priorities, specifically the prayer. As Allah says:

{يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا تَسْأَلُوا عَنْ أَشْيَاءَ إِن تُبْدَ لَكُمْ تَسُؤْكُمْ وَإِن تَسْأَلُوا عَنْهَا حِينَ يُنَزَّلُ الْقُرْآنُ تُبْدَ لَكُمْ عَفَا اللَّـهُ عَنْهَا ۗ وَاللَّـهُ غَفُورٌ حَلِيمٌ} ﴿١٠١﴾ سورة المائدة

“O you who have believed! Do not ask about things which, if clarified to you would put you in hardship. But if you ask about them while the Quran is being revealed, it will be answered for you—Allah pardon you! And Allah is Forgiving, Forbearing.” [al-Ma’idah 5:101]

 

Someone might say: simply being a new Muslim might have some influence on teaching, but it does not matter for this issue, because the verse of al-Mumtaḥinah concerns new Muslim women.

In our response, we say this is not entirely accurate. First of all, nearly all Muslim women at the Prophet’s time were converts, some newer than others.

Second, this contestant has forgotten the reality of those women from Quraish. They had been hearing about Islam for nearly 20 years by that time, and the Quran was revealed in their tongue and dialect. They were intimately aware of what accepting Islam meant. They witnessed the persecution of the Muslims leading them to flee to Ethiopia and then to Medinah. Their merchant husbands and brethren would hear news about the Muslims and their developments when they met with other traders who had met them. The requirements of Islam, and the social implications of accepting it were well known to the women of Quraish.

Return to the story of Mu`adh going to Yemen. Why didn’t the Prophet ﷺ tell him to separate between married couples if this was such an immediate and important issue? Without doubt, the situation of people in Yemen differed greatly from those in Mecca. Islam was born, technically, among Quraish, unlike the Qaḥṭāniyah of Yemen. Furthermore, as the Prophet ﷺ tells Mu`adh in the full narration, Yemen is a land inhabited by many Jews and some Christians, so there were fewer polytheists. And ironically, among those sent to Yemen to judge and teach was none other than Ali, the one who gave us a new look at this issue. Think about that.

What would be strange is observing the Prophet’s guidance for gradual teaching concerning the offering of a tiny portion of money on an annual basis, yet hastily trying to break up families. Where is the wisdom in that? I am waiting for someone to explain why this is so much greater and more urgent as if it were a life and death issue. Your family is your base, your rock, your home, your source of comfort on earth. Where did the Prophet ﷺ go when he first experienced revelation? To his wife Khadeejah, to cover and comfort him.

The women of Quraish already voluntarily left their husbands. Allah’s command was not to return them—Allah never commanded the Muslims to snatch up such women. They didn’t first write letters and enter a pen pal correspondence with the Prophet ﷺ, no, they showed up at his doorstep. They may have been practicing Islam for months or years and this was the first chance they found to escape. It is as if the Quran was saying once they voluntarily take that step, there’s no going back. Hence, Allah described them as believers and with iman, not just Muslims with Islam. If Allah wanted this ruling to encompass every woman who professed the shahaadah immediately, we would have expected the aayah to not only mention Muslim women but also to forgo any mention of hijrah and coming to Medinah and testing them. Allah could simply have said “Muslim women are never allowed for disbelieving men and should return their gifts,” and that would have been the end of it. But no, this was for women with faith so strong they emigrated on their own and left their families for the sake of Allah. For them, the ruling not to return would not make them feel any remorse or hesitancy over their decision.

So have no doubt, when the rest of the world closes on new Muslims, the Sharia opens up accordingly. But for those who are ready for the next step, the Sharia strengthens them and says not to look back.

 

Last Words for Fatwa-Giving in these Circumstances

Not every convert begins their journey begins their journey with the resolution of the magicians of the Pharaoh. Some Muslim preachers, while telling husbands how to deal with their wives mention the fragility, sensitivity and emotional nature of women, but then expect these same emotionally sensitive and delicate beings they describe to abandon their families for a new faith they’ve barely come to know. Does anyone else see how little sense this makes? Is this really Islam? Another said, while discussing this very issue, “A person is not concerned by the loss of his child, spouse, father or mother if it means establishing their religion iqâmah al-din.” I’m not sure which religion they’re talking about, when the religion of Islam says Paradise is under the feet of our mothers and we have to honor our parents, and to save our families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones. Establishing the religion has levels, and every part of our religion is a part of its establishment, but new Muslims are not ordered to do that all in one day, nor even a year, necessarily, as Islam is a life-long journey. When priorities seem to conflict, there are rules in Islam that help us determine which to prefer, and that can be studied in fiqh al-awwaliyyāt or the fiqh of prioritization among good deeds, a branch from the study of maqasid, the objectives of the Sharia.

When people ask what they should do in their situation, they are requesting fatwa, a personalized version of the original ruling of the issue. The personalization may simply be some direction on how to apply the ruling. Like a Muslim man may ask, “Do I have to attend Friday prayer? I work at that time.” The answer might be, “Yes you should. Request that time off from your supervisor every week, maybe there is a way you can make the hours up at a different time.” Just an example. But their circumstances could call for specific tweaking. The more complicated their circumstances are, and less flexible their position is—especially for the impoverished and disabled—the rulings may change entirely. In many cases, the scholars of fiqh have already considered some of the circumstances and detailed them in the books of fiqh. But conversion was not a common occurrence for fiqh scholars, which is why the guidance directed towards them is scattered about in the voluminous tomes of fiqh, if present at all. Even rarer is guidance for them when they are a minority, or in dar al-kufr. But in the few examples that do exist, it is painfully obvious that the jurists understood that a lot of ignorant slip-ups may be looked over for new Muslims living outside Islamically-governed lands, that would not be overlooked for ethnic Muslims raised in environs surrounded by Islam. Those who work with new Muslims may be able to tell stories of that nature.^[2]A fellow student in Medinah told me he knew a man who accepted Islam 35 years before, but then he asked him how he prays at home. Good God. Something that has absolutely nothing to do with prayer. I … Continue reading Even ibn Taymiyyah said, “So the Negus of Abyssinia, and examples like him are among the happy in Paradise, even if they did not follow the Sharia of Islam what they were unable to,” (Minhaaj, 5/114) due to ignorance, lack of qualified support or impracticality in their position.

The point here is that concerning new Muslims, and their direction, we have to be extremely careful, like ibnul-Qayyim cautioned us, before we start telling them how to live their lives based solely on what we see in books of fiqh written a millennium before their conversion. This is reminiscent of when a man was severely wounded and asked some of the Prophet’s companions what he should do before prayer after waking up from a wet dream. He asked if there was any concession for himself to avoid bathing, and risk hurting himself. They said they did not find for him such, and so he bathed, and died. When this news reached the Prophet ﷺ, he said, “They killed him. May Allah kill them!” Recorded by Abu Dawud. I cannot imagine the Prophet’s response if he learned that a junior student of knowledge or mufti-in-training gave someone instruction that led them to leave Islam entirely…

So a mufti has to be wise. If he really believes that a woman does not have any option but to leave her husband and family, he should ask. Where will she go? If he believes that the goal behind this ruling is saving her religion from harmful influence, then what if she is just going to go to the home of her parents or other siblings, who may be greater trial on her tempting her away from Islam or persecuting her on behalf of it. She should live with other single Muslim sisters or in a spare room of a righteous Muslim family. What if this woman is fifty years old and does not want to live with a couple of 20-somethings who might be staying up all night and listening to haram music? What if she has a disability and needs special care from non-Muslim specialists or relatives anyway? What if she is in a small town where the number of Muslim families can be counted on one hand?

And while, in this scenario, living with a righteous and patient Muslim family may be a great idea, the woman may not be incredibly trusting of the Muslim community yet. In my personal experience, most new Muslims in my community have been hesitant to even give their e-mail address in the first few weeks of knowing them. Trust is no light matter, especially with women, as most women in America have at one time or other been abused or assaulted, usually sexually, or at least taken advantage of, and often by someone they trusted. The women I’ve personally dealt with in situations similar to this felt that when a foreign mufti told them what to do, and tried to arrange a special living for her, she felt that he was being aggressive and invasive of her privacy.

A truly caring mufti might indeed take time to learn the individual’s situation in depth, and if they are from a different community, make necessary phone calls and connections to see what kind of services may be available as option. But most Americans especially (I can’t speak for other Westerners) feel very uncomfortable and pushed away, when someone they hardly know is telling them where they should and should not sleep at night.

 

Conclusion

I was inspired to research this topic first by a senior student in Medinah, and fellow revert, who mentioned that an older Pakistani man who worked with new Muslims in his American city would intentionally be silent regarding married convert women. We both found that odd, although he had great respect for the individual—and if you knew who it was, like I do, you might too. And then in Malaysia, I was happily forced to do the research. Before writing, I consulted a few other fellow graduates what do you think? I was interested to hear a couple them, who have Sharia qualifications, give some leeway regarding the issue. One, a master’s graduate even said he knew many Muslim women whose non-Muslim husbands are tolerant and helpful of their practicing Islam. I e-mailed another former Medinah master’s graduate, currently a professor of Islamic studies, who said in so many words, “I do not find any problem advising with Judai’s opinion some specific sisters in specific circumstances, but I do not advise it often, as it is unhealthy to do so and could open up a door.”

With all that said, if a married new or perspective Muslim woman e-mailed me personally regarding this issue, seeking my advice and direction, I would be inclined to offer her takhyīr choice as `Umar ibn al-Khaṭṭāb was known to in some circumstances.

• If she feels her energy and motivation to live Islamically has been very strong, and that her husband is not supportive of her practicing Islam and willing to bend himself a little for her sake, she should seriously consider symbolically ending her marriage for the sake of Allah, praying that Allah will guide her to something better.
• The presence or absence of children under 18, and her interest in marrying a Muslim man may determine whether she should consider officiating that decision as a legal separation or divorce.
• If she does choose to end her the sexual relationship with her husband, she should start her `iddah from that point. Anytime afterwards that they fall into relations, if they still live under one roof and he hasn’t accepted Islam, it is sinful, but it would be a great sin, to be avoided at all costs, if she had moved out of the house and fell into it.
• If her ability to effectively “move on with her life” is difficult, or her husband is threatening and non-cooperative, then she should consider herself mustaḍ’af weakened [المستضعفون في الأرض] and not sinful for failing to start a potentially long and extremely draining process. She should frequently look for a way out of her situation where she feels persecuted for her faith.
• If her faith is still maturing and her family is supportive, she may enjoy living with them and educating them about Islam.
• In any and every case, she should slowly but steadily learn more about Islam, and make more friends in the Muslim community, especially from the conservative knowledge-based^[3]I use this phrase to distinguish from Muslims that are also conservative, but only because of preserving cultural tradition. They might outwardly resemble Muslims who live out Islam based on … Continue reading members, who are often, ironically, more understanding of new Muslim experiences and circumstances. If she can “drag her husband” to Muslim community functions, especially where there is more food and less talk, it might prove beneficial.
• Muslim community representatives, masjid imams and mentors for new Muslims should work together and discuss these issues with each other. They should petition a number of community members to see if any would be willing and able to welcome a new Muslim sister in a private room (or even shared with another Muslimah, like a daughter) in their house if a sister is interested. This is not only for married convert women who feel they want to live their life in the way most pleasing to Allah, but also for young Muslim converts that may have been disowned from their families. Welcoming families should remember that it might take a leap of faith if the family and their guest are from separate economic and racial backgrounds. They should be reminded that this carries with it a tremendous reward, as it is the work of the Anṣār of Medinah who welcomed the persecuted Muhājirūn of Mecca into their homes, putting aside their own needs and comfort, for the sake of those with greater need and greater discomfort.

 

And Allah Knows best.