Stage 2: Mentoring

The “mentoring” stage. For Western Muslim communities, just like I personally think the wali position should be delegated, I also believe that this mentoring position should, preferably, be delegated. For example, if one individual is the leader of the da’wah committee, then he/she delegates others this position to other members. Why? Because if the new Muslim has a complaint about their mentor or for whatever reason wants someone else, maybe even due to convenience like distance or availability, or similar interests, rapport, etc. then who will they complain to? There must always be someone else a step above who only takes that responsibility when absolutely necessary.

 

Summary – pairing the new Muslim with a trusted, well-wishing, flexible, capable and knowledgeable member of the Muslim community to help them grow and mature in faith and become familiar with Islam and the Muslim community. The mentor should essentially become a best friend, not only meeting the new Muslim at masjid dinners, but hanging out together for even mundane activities.

The mentor should also, seriously, make sure that they are presentable and are the type of person you want to be around, so he should not have bad breath, messy or dirty clothes, disorganized car or home, etc. and be well mannered, genuine, responsive and not flaky. Respectfully, they should be moderate in their opinions. For example, if a man for a male revert, he should not have any problem driving the new Muslim around while his wife is in the car, etc.

This stage is a preparation for the third stage, the course, so it could last short or long depending on the individual and how quickly they catch on. Those communities that do not have any courses for new Muslims are full of reverts that spend their entire Islamic lives in between the first and second stage. This stage is characterized by the revert having an “older brother/sister” as a mentor. The mentor could be the same or a different person than the one who sat with them at the beginning, depending on availability and commitment.

Duties for the mentor include:

• Teach them Al-Faatihah, some other short suras
• Accompany them often—perhaps even shopping or dining—inviting them to meet with other Muslims to Islamic functions (dinners, conventions/conferences out of town, sports, just hanging out) but especially the congregational prayer and masjid lessons.
• Advice in times of need and finding satisfactory answers to Islamic questions as they come up.
• Meet with their family or close relatives and friends they may be living with. They’re concerned about their relative/friend’s well-being and who they mix with and what they get involved in. So one could ask the new brother/sister about their family’s likes/dislikes/allergies and give them a nice pastry, house gift, etc. As for Islamic information, like pamphlets or DVD’s, then perhaps, in moderation, not drowning them in information.
• Explain frequently used Arabic terms that are not always translated on the minbar as they come up. This is important since the new Muslim may not always catch the new vocabulary and thus cannot understand them and the context when he hears them. Many a speaker may say, “This khutbah is about the importance of da’wah” and they may not know the meaning of “khutbah” nor “da’wah” so imagine how lost they will be the rest of the sermon! We cannot remind ourselves enough that a new Muslim is like a newborn baby that may have never heard an Arabic word before outside of “jihad” and still doesn’t know what that really means. Other words important to explain are: hijrah, jihad, salaah/namaaz, sadaqah, siyaam/sawm, ummah, akh/ukht, ‘ilm, du’a, ibaadah, dhikr, hadeeth & sunnah, waajib/fard, mandoob/mustahabb, makrooh/haraam, tahaarah, wudhoo, ghusl, adhaan, hajj/umrah, deen, nikaah, adab, sahaabah, salaf, aqeedah, tafseer, saheeh/da’eef, fiqh, tawbah, ni’mah, barakh, maghfirah, rahmah, kibr, hasad, shukr, tafseer, etc, and any other words they ask about.
• Teach the new Muslim how to say: SallaLLahu alayhi waSallam, and when to say it (anytime one says, hears, reads/write the Prophet’s name except during Jumu’ah khutbah).
• Female reverts should be instructed about menstruation of course. Both male and female reverts should be instructed in restroom etiquettes, and of those acts pertaining to the fitrah. How should a Muslim man/woman dress.
• The etiquettes of Friday prayer.
• Go through, with the revert, the pillars, conditions, obligations, and sunan of the Salaah in greater detail, and explain how to make nawaafil salawaat and fasting. Along with the conditions of the prayer.
• Explain the dire necessity and importance of righteous company.
• Explain the the hadeeth of Jibreel.
• Go through some ahaadeeth about al-niyyah (intention). Also, some hadeeth and narrations about bid’ah. This is in the context of teaching the revert the two pillars of every act of ibaadah: sincerity and following of the Sunnah.
• Give an explanation of the seerah of the Prophet Muhammad (SallaLLahu Alayhi waSallam) to go with their reading of “When the Moon Split” (an excellent seerah book for new Muslims, devoid of the history of the Arabs before Islam—as all the Arab names and tribes can be extremely confusing, and it also does not have the fallacious suicide attempt)
• Another good activity at this time would be to give occasional lessons about various companions of the Prophet (sallaLLahu Alayhi waSallam) especially if you see they need motivation and strength. Advise them to be strong and not to be afraid of people making fun of them or hating them. Narrate to them some hadeeth and examples of the patience through persecution, so that they realize whatever comes to them must be inevitably less than what the companions went through and how strong they were.
• Explain forgiveness in Islam and how a person can have their sins removed, the conditions for repentance, the difference between minor/major sins, sins of the limbs/heart.

The mentor should not in this stage nor the first stage give too many commands/prohibitions. When reverts would ask me about music, art, tatoos, women, alcohol, etc. on the first day of their Islam or in the beginning–unless they were insistent, I would say “very few questions have a simply yes/no permissible/forbidden answer, but do not ask me anything NOW unless you’re prepared to live by what I tell you, but eventually many of these matters will become clear and easy for you” and I would mention the verse

{يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا تَسْأَلُوا عَنْ أَشْيَاءَ إِن تُبْدَ لَكُمْ تَسُؤْكُمْ وَإِن تَسْأَلُوا عَنْهَا حِينَ يُنَزَّلُ الْقُرْآنُ تُبْدَ لَكُمْ عَفَا اللَّـهُ عَنْهَا ۗ وَاللَّـهُ غَفُورٌ حَلِيمٌ ﴿١٠١﴾ قَدْ سَأَلَهَا قَوْمٌ مِّن قَبْلِكُمْ ثُمَّ أَصْبَحُوا بِهَا كَافِرِينَ ﴿١٠٢﴾} سورة المائدة

“O you who believe, do not ask about things which if made clear to you would be bad for you, but if you ask about them while the Quran is being revealed it will be clarified, may Allah pardon you, Allah is the forgiving, forbearing. Truly a people asked about them before and became on account of it, disbelievers.” 5:102

The thing is, if it’s too hard for them to give up something they love dearly or don’t know how Islam is flexible and how they can channel their interests/needs Islamically, they may see themselves as being very sinful and beyond Allah’s mercy. This is just as a person asked if they should perform hajj every year and the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was angered at the question, “If I said ‘yes’ it would be obligatory upon you and you would not be able to do it”. In another narration, the Prophet ﷺ said that which destroyed the people before us was excessive questioning and differing with their prophets. So one could advise the new Muslim to focus more on what has been given to him/her of knowledge rather than asking more.

{وَلَا تَعْجَلْ بِالْقُرْآنِ مِن قَبْلِ أَن يُقْضَىٰ إِلَيْكَ وَحْيُهُ ۖ وَقُل رَّبِّ زِدْنِي عِلْمًا} ﴿١١٤﴾ سورة طه

“And be not in haste with the Qur’aan before its revelation is completed to you, and say: “My Lord! Increase me in knowledge.”” (20:114)

And then, if they ask again, I might tell them with as many proofs from the Qur’an and Sunnah as I possibly could muster so that the person would realize the evil of the thing and quit immediately. There’s nothing wrong with being blunt like this at times, since honesty is always appreciated. They have a right to know what Islam says, and hiding knowledge is a grave sin, as the Prophet ﷺ said, “whoever is asked about knowledge and then hides it will be bridled with a bridle of fire on the Day of Resurrection.” [Al-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawood] OR if I am worried how they’ll take it, and if I know there is a difference of opinion, even if very weak (like music, or being married to a non-Muslim husband), then I may simply mention that scholars of Islam have differed, although most say it is not allowed.

HOWEVER, if they are asking a lot of questions, this could also mean that they have already exhausted what has been given to them of material and need more, so you should fulfill their curiosity, even with what is permissible/waajib/forbidden since they may in fact desire to change their lives more for the sake of their new religion. And if they like to read, consider a medium-sized book that will keep them busy. Something fundamental, like the Fundamentals of Tawheed. Other du’aat have said, in so many words in response to such questions about halal/haram “continue with Islam and work on it” and clarify whatever people would ask about but just say, “the drunk Muslim is better than the abstinent kaafir, so accept Islam and work on it, Allah does not require you to purify yourself from day one, accept Islam and struggle but don’t lose hope for what you fall back on” in so many words, and that may be the better approach. Allah Knows best, and the better approach may differ from person to person. Depending on the issue in question, if you see the new Muslim has an attachment to that coveted/forbidden item, it may be good to get them in contact with other older reverts that have gone through such episodes.

When the revert is somewhat consistent with his/her prayers and knows al-faatihah along with at least a couple other short suras (al-Ikhlaas and al-Asr and/or Al-Falaq and al-Naas) then they are ready insha’Allah for the third stage, the course. Likewise, if a new Muslim has reached a stalemate in his/her learning but is consistent, even without a mentor, they should begin the course as a faith booster and motivator

During this second stage or the third stage, a day long or weekend retreat could be organized for the new Muslims of the community (and perhaps other nearby communities to get greater numbers) involving dramatic presentations, fun games, workshops and food to act as great faith-boosting and fun-filled memorable experience to give their iman another big boost–many of the topics listed above, or even class topics, could be incorporated.

Lastly, due to the schedule of brothers, a group of Muslims may fill the role of a single mentor, keeping tabs on a single revert, every so often, one or the other or all would meet together and exchange what they have taught to the new Muslim to fulfill what that person needs to know before continuing. And do not rush through all of these points as the information could be overwhelming. One could even find some lectures/articles about some of the topics online and forward them to the new Muslim to read/listen to.

Click for the next page to learn about the suggested class for new Muslims.